


How rare and beautiful it is to even exist

by DrBracewell



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Homophobia, M/M, Multi, and zuko!, mai is..., mlm, probably at least one sex scene, rewrite of end, sokka!, suki is ace, together!, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24928579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrBracewell/pseuds/DrBracewell
Summary: What if Sokka and Zuko started to learn a bit more about each other in the days and weeks following the failed invasion?And learning about each other leads to talking to each other, and confiding in each other, and touching each other, and loving each other.And they can't bear to let go when the fight finally comes.This is technically a rewrite of the end couple episodes, starting at around s3 e11, The Western Air Temple, where Zuko finally joins the group.I won't be rewriting every single scene up to the end, but might reference certain ones or write pieces of certain scenes that I've changed to fit the story.I've tried to be as truthful to each character as I can, but I'm not actually that good at writing so sorry if some characters aren't too good.Enjoy!
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 88





	1. A destiny of one's own

**Author's Note:**

> Title shamelessly stolen from Saturn by Sleeping at Last.
> 
> I'll finish chapter one, see where we end up and go from there.
> 
> Important retcons/changes from earlier in the series  
> \- Suki is aro/ace and not in a relationship with Sokka  
> \- Mai and Zuko had a fling when he returned home, but it didn't work out. They're still friendly though
> 
> James, this is for you bb. Thank you for introducing me to this.

Sokka didn't particularly like Zuko. Even without considering how he had hunted them across the world, manipulated and betrayed them whenever he could, and attacked them every chance he got, there was just something about his face. Aside from the blotchy scar over his eye - Sokka was far too terrified to ever ask how Zuko had got that - the Fire Nation Prince had an air of grace around him. Like he was better than everyone around him. Sokka noticed the very slight downturn of his lips at Toph eating with her hands, the smug look in his eyes when he corrected Katara about the Fire Nation’s defences, and he hated Zuko for it. Who was he to judge how the people in the group he had begged to join acted?

But he had meant what he had said when he told Aang his one and only goal was to defeat the Fire Nation and the Fire Lord. Deep down, he knew that Zuko might be their only chance to do that. That didn’t exactly help Sokka’s peace of mind, and whilst Zuko’s help in fighting Combustion Man made him feel less uneasy, he resolved to keep an eye on the Fire Prince.

After the fight with Combustion Man and their conversation in the ruined temple, Toph went to throw rocks at Haru, Aang to sit alone with his thoughts, and Katara stormed off. It fell to Sokka to show Zuko around the temple, and awkward silences filled the gaps where Sokka wasn’t talking about where the group ate or slept or trained. Eventually, they came to an empty room, with a low ceiling and windows that looked out into the bottomless abyss below the temple. Sokka was used to it by now, but Zuko peered out over the edge and swallowed.

“So, yeah. This is your room, I guess. Uh… unpack, dinner soon… It’s, uh… good to have you on the team.”

Zuko had been mostly quiet for the whole tour, but now finally lifted his head up to look Sokka in the face. Sokka wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but he’d never really got a good look at Zuko before. He had only ever seen him from a distance, or in a fast-paced fight, but now as their eyes met Sokka felt a strange feeling run down his spine. Sokka’s gaze was drawn to the dark red scar over the other man’s eye, the rivets and lines of the melted, burned skin, but when Zuko properly looked at him Sokka realised that there were much deeper lines in Zuko’s face. Marks of the torment and anguish and fatigue he had carried with him for so long, the hatred and pain his life had brought him. It was such a strange and scary thing to see in the face of someone his own age, and Sokka stepped back slightly in surprise. Zuko’s mouth tilted down, and his unkempt hair fell back over his face. They both spoke at the same time.

“I-”   
“Sorry-”

Zuko clamped his mouth shut, as if already regretting having spoken at all, and turned away.

“Thank you. For showing me around.” He muttered, not unkindly, and Sokka swallowed.

“No problem.” He replied lightly and made for the door, trying to make sense of what had just happened. He paused for a moment when he reached the doorway, but left the room and closed the door quietly behind him.

Zuko stood in the middle of the room for a while, hardly moving, before breathing out slowly and putting his bag down on the table. He pulled out various clothes and essentials, before reaching for the picture of Iroh buried at the bottom. His Uncle’s words from all those years came back to him, and he placed his fingers lightly against the glass of the frame.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered quietly, shutting his eyes tightly. 

_ You will find a destiny of your own one day. _

“I just hope this is the right one, Uncle,” Zuko said aloud before placing the picture gently on the table. He had been wearing the same clothes since he had left the Fire Nation, and now pulled his robe over his head to change into something fresher. He wasn’t expecting the small gasp from behind him, and he instinctively spun around, dropping in a defensive position only to see Katara, who was already regretting making a sound. 

“Don’t you know how to knock?” He asked loudly, more surprised than angry, straightening up.

Katara, who’s gasp had been at the scars covering Zuko’s torso, quickly pulled her mouth shut and stared at him. She couldn’t exactly back out just because she had walked in on him changing. It took her a moment to remember what she had been planning to say, but scowled at him.

“You might be fooling everyone else with your ‘transformation’, but you and I both know you’ve struggled with doing the right thing in the past,” said Katara, not tearing her eyes away from his face.

Zuko gripped his robe as she stared daggers at him, trying not to reply. It was hard. A hundred replies swirled around his mind, hateful and spiteful ways he could lash out back at her. But he knew that if he wanted to stay, wanted to help these people, he had to control his anger. So he kept his mouth shut.

“If you take one step backwards, slip up one time, you won’t have to worry about your destiny anymore. Because I’ll make sure your ‘destiny’ ends right there. Permanently.”

Katara meant everything she said, but when her eyes locked onto Zuko’s face she felt the same as Sokka had. The boy before her wasn’t the smug Prince she was expecting, or the ruthless hunter who had tracked them over the world. He just looked… tired. Katara wasn’t about to give him any sympathy or back down, but she was slightly shaken.

Zuko couldn’t quite meet her eyes and kept his gaze on her cheek. She kept glaring angrily at him, as if waiting for something, but eventually made a sound of discontent, gave Zuko one last scowl and stormed out of the room.

Zuko’s shoulders slumped down, and he pressed his palms into his eyes hard. 

_ Fuck _ .

He finished changing and unpacking, before sitting down in the corner, pulling his knees up close and wrapping his arms around his legs. He had known that it wouldn’t be easy to prove himself to the group, yet he had, and here he was. So why did his chest feel so tight, his head so low? He remembered the way Sokka had looked at him, the expression on the other man’s face as he recoiled away from Zuko. How Aang had only let him into the group because he had no other choice, how Katara had gasped at the scars littering his torso before threatening him not-so-subtly. He was here with the Avatar, but that didn’t mean he was part of the group. He groaned slightly, before putting his forehead down on his knees and closing his eyes.

He couldn’t say how long he sat there for like that, but eventually there was a small knock at the door and he raised his head up.

“Come in,” said Zuko, and Sokka gently pushed the door open.

“Uhm, dinner is ready. If you want to come. You don’t, uh, have to. You could keep unpacking, if you’re not done. Or…” 

Zuko tried to hide his smile at Sokka’s awkwardness.

“Nah, it’s cool. I’ll come,” said Zuko, pushing himself up from the floor and making his way to the door.

As they walked through the winding passages of the air temple, Zuko resolved to speak a bit more and asked about how they got food and water. Sokka explained that there were small stone ditches that diverted fresh water from a nearby stream, presumably made by the air nomads. The group used it for drinking and washing. Food was trickier, but the forest Zuko had camped in before had various plants and game that could be hunted or gathered, then cooked by Sokka.

“You cook for the group?” He asked, unable to hide his surprise.

Sokka laughed slightly. “I go on about food so much, it wouldn’t really be fair if I didn’t help make it, don’t you think? Besides, the others aren’t… uh, culinarily talented. Toph’s blind, Aang doesn’t want to handle meat, and Katara never really learned how to cook anything.”

Zuko didn’t know how to cook either. His childhood had been one fancy meal after another, but they had all been prepared by palace chefs he had never even seen. 

They arrived at an open-air courtyard with a large fire blazing in the middle, with some kind of large, skinned animal covered with various herbs and spices propped up with stones hanging over it. It smelt good, and when Sokka and Zuko entered all the people sitting around it turned to look at them. Zuko knew Aang, Katara and Toph, but Sokka had to introduce him to Haru, Teo and The Duke. Zuko nodded at each them, then told them his name, even though he had a feeling they all already knew it.

Katara glared at him from across the fire, sitting close to Aang, but Toph had no such qualms and sat pretty close to Zuko, though she didn’t try to talk to him. Sokka kneeled in front of the blaze, reaching for a stick to turn the roasting meat over.

“Sorry dinner is so late guys,” Sokka said aloud to the group. “The fire took a while to get started. It’s pretty windy around here, believe it or not.”

There was a murmur of content from the members of the group, who were perfectly happy to wait a couple more minutes in return for some of Sokka’s cooking. Zuko spoke without thinking.

“I can help with that.” All eyes turned to him again. “Uhm, next time, I mean. I can start the fire with bending…” He trailed off and tried to ignore everyone looking at him. Sokka, however, gave him a slight smile.

“Thanks. That’ll be easier than messing around with matches.” The water tribe boy started to wrap his hand in a torn piece of cloth next to him, but paused. “Oh. Zuko, do you think you could take the meat off the fire? I always burn my hand.”

He held up his cloth-wrapped hand to show him, and Zuko nodded, ignoring Katara’s glare from across the fire. He supposed she would prefer it if he didn’t touch her food, but oh well.

“Uhm, sure.” He went over to Sokka, reaching his hand into the fire. The flames felt warm and ticklish against his skin, and he pulled the strange-looking animal off the fire and onto a large rock Sokka had put nearby. Zuko was impressed as he watched Sokka quickly and accurately cut up the meat and handed people plates - actually flat rocks that he had washed in the stream - of the spiced, roasted meat with boiled bamboo shoots for fibre and large, slightly crunchy leaves.

Zuko was even more impressed when he started eating the plate Sokka handed him. The meat was tender and juicy, and the shoots, spices and greens made it delicious. The dish reminded Zuko of the street food he would sometimes sneak out with Azula and eat, the scorchingly hot chilli burning their tongues, but fresher and healthier. 

After dinner, everyone thanked Sokka - who always looked pretty pleased with himself after a good meal - and went to wash their plates (rocks) in the stream, then sat in a circle closer to the fire and just… talked. Zuko didn’t understand at first. Why would want to just sit and talk with people around a fire? But as the sun slowly dipped down the horizon, and the group huddled closer to the fire and each other to keep warm, and he listened to them laughing and smiling and telling stories and jokes and worries he found himself relaxing. He only spoke a couple of times, and whenever he did Katara looked at him - more like a sharp glance than a glare - but he tried his best to ignore that. Sokka was on his left, and he was one of the most talkative in the group - 90% of his jokes were terrible, but Zuko had to stifle a laugh at the other 10%.

What Zuko didn’t notice was Sokka occasionally stealing glances at him from the corner of his eyes. Truthfully, Sokka was only doing it to make sure Zuko was okay - as many misgivings as he had about Zuko joining them, the group acting hostile to him wouldn’t help - but no one really seemed to mention Zuko’s presence and Zuko himself seemed to be okay. Sokka made another mental note to make sure Zuko fit in with the group as well as making sure he didn’t betray them. Soon all Sokka would be doing would be looking at Zuko.

That would be okay, he supposed.

Eventually, people started yawning, and Katara started ordering people to bed. No one really seemed to mind, and when Toph called her ‘mom’ sarcastically Katara whacked her arm gently and they both smiled. Katara pointedly ignored Zuko whilst she ushered people away from the fire and into their rooms, but Aang and Toph both told him to sleep well, and Sokka - for some reason - walked him back to his room. They stopped in front of his door and Sokka turned to Zuko.

“It really is good to have you,” said Sokka, looking at Zuko’s face properly. “Aang needs a firebending teacher, and I can’t think of a better one than you. And…”   
Sokka trailed off. He couldn’t think how to phrase what he wanted to say.    
And it’s good that you’re not with the Fire Nation anymore?   
And it’s good that you’re helping the avatar?   
And it’s good that you’re here with us?

Eventually, he finished with “...and it’s good you’re here.”, basically repeating what he had started with, and cringed. Zuko looked at him strangely before nodding and smiling very slightly.

“Thank you, Sokka.” He tilted his head down slightly and reached for the doorknob. “Sleep well.”

“Goodnight,” said Sokka, biting the inside of his cheek, and when Zuko had disappeared into his room he sighed and ran a hand down his face. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he act normal? He sighed again and trudged off to his own room.

Zuko changed and lay in the bed, thinking over the events of the day. The fight with Combustion Man, the conflict in the Avatar’s face as he wondered if Zuko would really help him, Katara’s glare as she threatened him, and then the way Sokka’s gaze had met his. The image of Sokka’s face stayed in his mind for a long time.

_ A destiny of your own. _

Zuko smiled as he drifted off to sleep.


	2. Uneventful Watch

Zuko was surprised at how easily he slipped in with the group and fell into a routine after that first day. He had a feeling none of them really knew what they were doing - not that he did either, of course - and that made him nervous, but it also felt… freeing.There had never been anything like this in the fire nation; nights that would have been cold and lonely were here filled with jokes and laughter and food. Most of the people didn’t even seem to mind his presence. Haru, Teo, The Duke, Toph… they were perfectly happy to include him and train with him. Aang was slightly more difficult, and Katara was impossible, but Sokka… Zuko had caught the Water Tribe boy staring at him from the corner of his eye more than once. If Sokka was looking at him because he wanted to look at him that was... fine, he supposed, but if - as Zuko suspected - Sokka was only keeping an eye on him because he thought Zuko would attack them, well, Zuko couldn’t exactly blame him. Zuko couldn’t exactly do anything to help that besides trying to prove himself to the group as much as he could, and make them believe he was on their side. There was just one problem. 

Zuko couldn’t firebend. Aang had gotten over his fear of hurting someone enough to at least try and shoot some flames, but when Zuko tried to give a demonstration his own fire was small and lukewarm at best. He tried over and over again to properly firebend, but could feel deep inside him that he had lost something. He didn’t know what, though, and Aang couldn’t help making a few remarks at Zuko’s failure. Eventually the Fire Prince got too angry, and stormed out of the courtyard, bumping into Sokka on the way.

“How’s the jerkbending going?” The other boy asked with a grin, and Zuko rolled his eyes and pushed past him.

“Ask Aang. He’s the one who can do it.” Zuko spat, too tired for Sokka’s ribbing - it wasn’t hostile, but it was common - and spent the rest of the day smoking in a hidden cranny on top of a large temple. The majority of the Fire Nation regularly smoked a leaf called zeo. Inhaling the smoke helped relax and clear your head, and it wasn’t toxic or dangerous for your body. That wasn’t to say there weren’t other crazy drugs going around, but Zuko had never tried any of them. He crouched down on the stony roof of the temple, blowing smoke rings and breathing small jets of flames through them. At least he could still do that. When it got cold and dark he clambered down from the temple and made his way to the fire. Though when he got there he heard raised voices, and pressed himself against a wall to listen. 

“-can’t even firebend, then what’s he doing here?” Katara’s voice was loudest. “It’s a trick, and you’re all too blind to see it!”

“Yeah, no shit.”

“Sorry, Toph, but I still think I’m right. I don’t trust him!” said Katara, exasperated.

Aang was silent, but Sokka sighed. “I think he’s okay. He’s… different, somehow-”

“He’s different because-”

Zuko couldn’t take it anymore and stepped into the firelight, trying to look as if he hadn’t been eavesdropping. “Hey.” He muttered, looking around. There was a chorus of ‘hey’s back from the group, aside from Katara, who broke her sentence off but barely looked at him.

“I, uh, have some bad news.” Zuko was  _ really _ trying to look like he hadn’t heard what they had said. He didn’t think it was working. “I’ve lost my stuff.”

Toph, milky eyes gleaming in the firelight, raised her hands. “I haven’t touched your stuff. And definitely not that picture on y-” She broke off and coughed. Zuko decided to pretend he hadn’t heard her.

“I meant my firebending. It’s… weakened, almost non-existent. Like I had something that let me do it, and now I don’t.”

Katara stifled a laugh, but Zuko ignored her. He was getting good at that.

“I won’t be able to teach Aang firebending if I can’t do it myself.” He finished, looking at them. Toph didn’t seem to be too concerned, and Katara just glared at him, but Sokka and Aang looked worried.

“Maybe you’re just not as good as you think you are.” Katara smiled, stroking Momo’s head softly.

Zuko bit back a reply and thought for a moment. “I think it might be because I changed sides.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Katara said, but Aang frowned.

“I don’t know… it kinda makes sense,” he said, taking a sip from his bowl of soup. “Your firebending was fueled by your anger and rage at your banishment. Now you don’t have that, you can’t firebend.”

Sokka’s face lit up. “So all we have to do is make Zuko angry?” He crept over to the boy, poking his hip with a long stick. Momo jumped from Sokka’s shoulder onto Zuko’s head, pulling at his hair. Zuko grimaced as Sokka’s stick jabbed painfully into his side. Eventually Zuko sighed and moved out of the way, gripping Sokka’s stick and twisting it out of the water tribe boy’s grip before bringing it down fairly gently on Sokka’s head.

“Cut it out!” Zuko said loudly, and Momo yelped and jumped off onto Toph. Sokka pouted and rubbed his head, collapsing back down in front of the fire. Toph leaned back on her hands.

“Maybe you just need to learn to get your bending from somewhere else. Preferably the original source.”

“How’s he meant to do that? By jumping into a volcano?” Sokka grinned, running his hand down Momo’s fur.

“No,” said Toph. “Zuko needs to go back to whatever the original source of firebending is-”

“So, is it jumping into a volcano?” asked Sokka, genuinely interested now.

“I don’t know. For earthbenders, the original benders were badgermoles.”

Toph described how she had met a badgermole in a cave when she was a child, and how they had helped her learn how to control the earth, as she had realised that for them, earthbending was their way or interacting with the world. Aang chipped in with how the sky bison were the original airbenders. Zuko listened, but when they were finished he frowned.

“That won’t help me. The original firebenders were dragons, and they’re… not around anymore.”

Aang moved to interrupt, frowning, but Zuko continued.

“But… maybe there’s another way. The first people to learn from the dragons were the ancient Sun Warriors.”

“Sun Warriors?” Aang asked, stepping beside him. “I know they weren’t around when I was a kid.”

“No. They died out thousands of years ago. But their civilization wasn’t too far from where we are now. Maybe we can learn something by checking out the ruins.”

“So, what, you’re going to pick up some magical sun warrior energy just by standing where they stood a thousand years ago?” asked Sokka, leaning back against the wall.

“More or less.” Zuko agreed, and Sokka gave him a big smile and a thumbs up.

“Sounds great.” said Sokka, and Zuko rolled his eyes.

“Either I find a new way to firebend, or the Avatar has to find a new teacher.”

Aang and Zuko decided to leave at midday the next day. It would take some time to pack some food and water on Appa, and they had no idea how long they would be gone for. After the conversation at the fire, most people stood up to head to bed, and Zuko made himself comfortable at the front of the temple. The group had decided to make sure at least one person was on watch all the time; they were pretty sure the Air Temple was a safe sanctuary, but the Fire Nation had found them before. It wouldn’t hurt to keep someone watching out for airships or scouts throughout the night. Zuko had drawn the short reed, and would take the first few hours, and Sokka would come to replace him around midnight. 

It was a peaceful night. The loudest sound was the wind whistling softly through the canyon, and Zuko had to strain his ears to even hear that. The hours passed quickly, and Zuko fell into a half-awake state, alert enough to spot any incoming ships but trying to rest as well. He supposed he could grab some sleep on Appa when he and Aang went to the Sun Warrior civilization. His watch was uneventful, and when he heard footsteps behind him he turned to see Sokka wandering up to the edge of the temple.

“Hey,” Sokka said casually, sitting down next to him. “Anything happen?”

Zuko shook his head, mouth suddenly strangely dry. “Nah. I think we’re pretty safe here.”

Sokka nodded, scratching at the stone in front of him. He made a sound of agreement, but didn’t seem to have much else to say. There was an awkward silence for a moment until Sokka spoke.

“You can, uh, head to bed now. If you want. You don’t have to. Like, I don’t mind if you don’t, it’s cool…” 

Any dregs of tiredness Zuko had felt before had disappeared the moment Sokka sat next to him. 

“It’s fine, I’m not that tired.” His voice was friendly but also ever so slightly forced.

“Right…” Sokka replied, still picking at the stone. There was another awkward pause before the Water Tribe boy laughed slightly.

“God, this sucks.” 

Zuko frowned slightly in confusion, turning towards Sokka.

“The awkwardness.” He explained, looking up at Zuko’s face and smiling very slightly. “Like, I think it’s cool you’re on the team. Seriously. And I think the oth- most of the others do as well. But it’s kinda, y’know, hard to accept  _ you _ into it. Nothing against you now, but with what you did before…”

Zuko turned away, hair falling over his scar. Sokka thought he looked strangely beautiful in the flickering light of the lantern. Then he wondered where the hell that thought had come from.

“Yeah.” Zuko muttered. “I know. I get it. I wouldn’t accept me either.”  _ But I’m trying. _ He thought to himself.  _ I’m really, really trying. _

Sokka made an apologetic face. Fuck, social interaction was hard. “But yeah, I think you’re pretty cool now. I can see you’ve changed.” He paused and swallowed. “Can I… can I ask why you left? What changed?”

Zuko sighed, still not turning towards Sokka’s face. “Yeah. I guess… I think…” He trailed off, trying to think. “It’s a long story.”

Sokka looked up at the wispy clouds passing over the night sky. “I think it’s gonna be a long night. We have time.”

Zuko nodded slightly, and took out a zeo leaf. He rolled the paper up and brought it to his lips, lighting it with his finger and breathing a long, steady stream of smoke out in front of him. Then he began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to get this second chapter out, was kinda busy with the end of term and all. Hopefully the next chapters come a bit sooner.
> 
> Watch out for Chapter 3 where Zuko spills out childhood trauma to Sokka (and maybe gets comforted????)


End file.
